How my breastfeeding went from zero to hero

Let go and let his supply flow

Today as I was listening to Pastor Prince's sermon , "let go and let his supply flow", I recalled all the times that I had worried and stressed out and how when I committed it all to God, his Grace could be released in that area.

Come to think of it, the fact that I am still breastfeeding and managed to fully breastfeed Aletheia till she turned 6 months is quite a tale of perseverance and God's grace in an area I committed to him.

I recall that fateful day when I had left 4 packets of pumped milk in the fridge of the hotel we were at. I was waking up at 2am to pump milk while giving Aletheia formula because I believed I didn't have "enough" milk. I would always breastfeed, top up with formula, and then pump after that extra and save whatever drops of milk I could get. Without nursing, after pumping for 45 mins, I could probably only get 1.5 oz to 2 oz on both sides. If you have been a mom, you would know that that is very little. I was comparing myself to friends who could pump at least 4 oz from both sides in one sitting. Every drop of milk was precious to me and literally felt like drops of sweat and tears. 

Pumping and breastfeeding was no easy feat. Sitting in one place with plastic shields on your nipples for 30 mins at least to an hour , every 2-3 hours throughout the day, on top of the lack of sleep and pain in your upper and lower back from hunching to pump and feed, can really drive someone crazy.

I sat there on my sofa being so so mad with myself and the people at the hotel for he mix up ( I had brought home a bag full

Of ice with no milk in it because I had Thought the hotel staff had placed he packets in the bag already when I picked it up). I wished at that point that I had lost my iPhone instead - that was how important he milk was to me. It was like losing soooo much. I sobbed and cried and went crazy. I wanted the hotel to Fedex the milk to me in dry ice. Mark tried to comfort me... "You will always have more milk" and that it wouldn't be fresh for baby to drink anymore. But it didn't work. I got more mad. "You don't understand!! How hard and long it took me to pump that milk out !!!! "

In those moments as I was just plainly, "losing it", I felt the Holy Spirit say to me gently in my heart .... "Don't be upset, don't worry. The reason you are so upset is because you have this huge fear and knot in your heart that you don't have enough milk and I know you want what's best for Aletheia but can you trust me to give you more milk? Do you believe that I can give you more milk? Do you believe that you HAVE enough and it is okay? It is absolutely okay... Even if you don't fully breastfeed, it doesn't make you less of a mom, it doesn't mean you are or trying hard enough."

I calmed down. Fine, I won't harass the hotel lost and found staff anymore. I was just tired. That night, I was so so so tired and exhausted from being angry and crying and tired from the 7 hour drive back from DC that I was too tired to get up to pump. When Aletheia woke up in the middle of the night, I just carried her into bed with me and nursed her back to sleep - and miraculously - I woke up the next morning feeling like I had the first good nights rest since she was born! And she was fed. She wasn't starving! And I didn't pump, and she had fresh milk, and I got to sleep!

That day onwards, I decided ... I will stop pumping and just nurse her - for as long as she wanted, for however long it took for her to have enough, for as often as she wanted, and for whatever reason. Whether she was hungry, fussy, tired, wanted comfort, I would just nurse her. Previously, in the first 3 weeks we had hired a confinement nanny who told me I should only nurse for 15 mins each side then top up with formula because I didn't have enough milk. She didn't let me hold her to sleep or nurse her too much. She said that it would cause her to stick to my boobs forever and I listened because I thought that I didn't know any better and should listen to a confinement nanny who knows best. 

From then on, I also took fernugreek and drank mothers milk tea. I didn't pump so I didn't know if I had more milk but j just kept nursing her. She has grown up to be strong and healthy and chubby- thank God! And I always had enough. Later on, I also read hat actually breastfed babies don't have a schedule and can nurse more often because the milk digests faster! And that it is very normal for mothers who breastfeed to cosleep with their babies. Before, I had another fear of sleeping with her because of what the doctors warn could be so dangerous. They say that it could cause "sudden infant death" and that you could suffocate your baby. Later on after reading some pro-breastfeeding websites, I also realized that they say research has even shown that cosleeping and nursing to sleep can save your baby's life! 

I now know and respect that every mom and parent makes decisions based on what they think is best for their baby and their lifestyle. And it is totally out of the love that they have! They only want the best for their baby! I have so much respect for working moms who have to pump at work! I have so much respect for moms who do whatever they can to give heir baby the nutrition they need be it with formula or breastmilk! You are doing the best you can - follow your mom instincts because you know what's best for your baby!

I am sharing my breastfeeding journey not because I think that everyone should 100% breastfeed and that's the only way to go and it can be done- I am sharing because I realized that when I had let go, I let the supply flow:)

Beloved be it in being a mom, breastfeeding woes, work-related matters, stress at work, school projects - whatever it is that you are going through - give it to God. Let go, and let the supply flow. When we stress up and worry, believe in lies that cause us to fear and think that we don't have enough, we squeeze the tube of blessings that God is already pouring out on us and stop it from flowing. 

I hope my sharing has blessed you. 

For the whole sermon from Pastor Joseph Prince, you can watch it here on YouTube at http://youtu.be/DX_YZl-qyJY