When Things Don't Look Good

Aletheia at 28 weeks with her Hand on her right cheek :)

Went for an ultrasound on Monday at 28 weeks. I was my usual- happy, confident that everything was good. All till the ultrasound technician said I had to go into the room again as the doctor wanted to take a second look.

He told me that Aletheia's intestines was turning up white in the scan - the same as bones, which shouldn't be the case. He said this was a sign that it could be an infection which could affect her growth, or that she had Down syndrome. Though he also said that most of the time it could be nothing, fear had already gripped my heart. I could only nod and say goodbye after and didn't ask any questions because I was about to burst into tears. 

As soon as I left the hospital building I started crying uncontrollably on my walk home. I felt like a mad woman walking and crying amidst the busy after work crowd on their way home. 

I knew I had to partner with faith and not fear no matter what the doctor said. All this time when I was walking home, I declared that I partnered with faith and not fear - that Aletheia was beautifully and wonderfully made, that nothing was wrong she was healthy. All this time, a soft still voice in my heart asked me "Do you trust me? do you trust me?" In all honesty, I said "I choose to trust you, I trust you... You are good, I know you love me" while I was crying in fear.  

As I was reaching home, I heard God say "do you trust me, even when things don't look good? ". 

Just days before, I was sharing about how I had read the supernatural childbirth book and how my pregnancy had been so awesome without any nausea and the usual symptoms... Things were looking great and I was able to seem like I had faith. But today, when things didn't look too good in my scan, where was I on trusting in God?

I reached home and picked up the book and started reading the testimonies again and declaring Gods promises. When Mark came home, he also declared and we both agreed Aletheia was going to be healthy and that there would be no complications. 

My heart found it's feet again and I felt comforted knowing and remembering God is faithful and good and Jesus took every curse and disease on the cross. We were able to go out for dinner happily.

When we came back Mark said he googled "baby white intestine" and read about how it was usually nothing and it had happened to other parents before. That it could be white because she swallowed amniotic fluid. He felt that God showed us this to reassure us that it would be okay. He also recalled how I said I saw Alethiea opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out like she was licking something in last months Gynae appointment. Yes, we didn't have to worry.  

On that night itself, someone shared on Facebook a video testimony of a couple who was told their baby was going to die upon birth due to liquid around his brain lungs and entire body. And they cried out to God and a miracle happened. The baby boy was born perfectly normal and healthy, all the fluid was gone. 

Yesterday when I went for my blood test, my Gynae told me I really had nothing to worry about and it was really most likely nothing at all and she talked about what Mark had read online. Thank God! I was elated.

Today I was reminded.... To trust God even when things don't look good. god is good, all the time, God is love and he loves me and Mark and Aletheia. 

Today I came to the realization of how faith is choosing to trust in his goodness, even when things don't look good. It's easy to say that I trust him when things are going well... But when the floor beneath you gets shaken, you then really face the decision to stand firm on your feet and say no to fear no matter how much fear you Feel.